life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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