worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i've created a new STD.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
