Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
