i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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