that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
