To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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