Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
