You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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