i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
