You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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