apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
