You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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