you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
