You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
