So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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