Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
