It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
