Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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