I don't usually arrange sex via text message
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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