Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
