On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish my penis had a tongue
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
