Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
