My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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