Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
