I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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