he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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