The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
