I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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