Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
