he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
