so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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