One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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