this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
