found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
