I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
