I CAN MOONWALK!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
