he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
