I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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