Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
