You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
