just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
