made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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