margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
