so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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