i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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