I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
