i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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