Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
