First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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