You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
