Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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